Democrats decide that 1% is all that’s needed for election


In keeping with national trends, the Jefferson County Democrats have announced today that next election, they will shift to a new type of primary, known as the “1% Club”.

Candidates will only need to get out 1% of the vote to win, and in the event of a tie, a coin will be flipped.

“We have always struggled to get less voters out in each election,” said Emil Dynck, a spokesperson for the Dems. “This primary, we managed to get down to 12% of those who voted in 2012, and Bernie managed to win in a ‘landslide’ with just 9% of the total voters represented. While we are thrilled with this outpouring of support for Bernie, we feel that in 2020, we will strive for even less representation of Democratic voters. We got together at the Pourhouse over brews and Pétanque and thought, why not 1%? Since we know that the 1% run the country, and have seen unemployment under 5% since we took office in 2008, we thought, “well why not the county?”  Next primary, at the point that one candidate gains 1% of the vote, we will close the voting, and send everyone home. That will save time and money.”

An effort to find a Republican in the county to comment on the move was unsuccessful.

8 Responses

  1. This is a joke, right?

  2. Now everyone knows our evil plan …

  3. Ha! You just can’t help but stir the pot, can you? 😉

    • Ah, Kate, it’s so easy to make this stuff up. Reading The Leader’s glowing review of the caucus made me just laugh. You can’t pay for PR like that.

  4. Yep, you got me, Al, you surely did.

  5. Folks in Port Ludlow are trying to ome up with a way to have a primary. Imagine, a Democratic Party that uses democracy!

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